THE DIARY OF Z

The title just about sums up the little bit of suspense that envelops SRK’s latest starrer. Ofcourse, the storyline has now been told a million times on our promotional TV channels and newspapers/magazines, so I will skip that. But what I will tell you are the following:

1. Shah Rukh Khan: His screen presence can leave any novice wishing he had one. Dress him up in the worse shirt and trouser, and he will still get many heads to turn. Get him to mouth all the clichés in the world, and he will still deliver a superhit like it has happened with OSO that has beaten several records not only in India but also in the UK and the US. Indeed, ‘someone above is happy’ with him as he had said many moons ago. And that someone continues to be happy till date.
2. Deepika Padukone: She has an effeminate screen presence that is a perfect foil to SRK’s. So when SRK credits Deepika for the success of the film, he could well be partly right. She is indeed eye candy. Ofcourse, she needs to now concentrate on her acting, but then, knowing a heroine’s role, there isn’t much scope for acting in Bollywood potboilers anyway. So she can heave a sigh of relief and continue to dazzle us on screen.
3. Farah Khan: It’s her attitude to filmmaking and her easy confidence that works for her. She has never made any attempts at couching the storyline, or hiding the source of her storyline. She is in fact made that her USP and delivered a hit, keeping all the clichés that are considered the bane of Hindi cinema. As Himesh Reshammiya says on the reality shows, this is “fantastic, awesome, mind-blowing!’
4. Arjun Rampal: He needs to work on his facial muscles that lend an important role in the acting department. That is missing. Ofcourse, this has a hidden advantage. None of his co-stars will ever feel threatened sharing screen space with him, because his villainous acting is far from menacing. He has neither the growl of Amrish Puri nor the steeliness of Pran.
5. Vishal-Shekhar: The young music directors know what it takes to transform you to a different world where joy reigns supreme. From the background score to the peppy number where 31 Bollywood stars join hands to celebrate Khan’s superstar status, they have gone hammer and tongs in making the music a more than saleable commodity. My favourite: ‘Tumko paaya hai to jaise khoya hoon, kehna chahoon bhi to tumse kya kahoon, kisi zabaan bhi, woh lavs hi nahin, ki jin mein tum ho kya, tumhe bata sakoon…’
6. Reincarnation: Don’t know if there is such a thing, but there’s one thing that is still a mystery. How many times have you noticed that a certain event in your life doesn’t seem new, and you’ve experienced it before? A sense of déjà vu… Maybe, we’ve dreamed about our future, and we feel it’s happened before. Maybe, it’s a repeat of a similar event in the past. Or maybe, it’s an incident from our previous birth. Maybe.
7. Publicity: The media went into a frenzy. The public’s expectations reached sky-high. It was a gamble that could have repeated the monster failure of another much-hyped film, Boney Kapoor’s multi-crore dud, Roop Ki Rani Choron Ka Raja. Coupled with Hollywood’s entry into Hindi films with Saawariya, the stage was indeed set for a royal encounter. SRK even went to the extent of saying, ‘The publicity budget of Saawariya was equal to the budget of OSO’. But in the end, joy (OSO) won over sorrow (Saawariya), keeping in sync with the spirit of Diwali where good triumphs over evil. Not that Saawariya was a colossal failure. I loved the art direction, the cinematography, the big-screen feel, the colours, the moods, the sets… but then, there was no soul, no drama, no suspense. It’s perfect as an experiment, but in a commercial set-up, it’s important to keep the viewer glued to the screen. Otherwise, it could spell disaster. And statistics prove me right here. While OSO has been declared a blockbuster, Saawariya’s collections have been disappointing, particularly in the second week, while OSO’s collections have remained rock steady. This is only the beginning. Abhi picture baaki hai mere yaar!

The song ‘Dard-e-disco’ in the just-released Hindi film ‘Om Shanti Om’ has become India’s new anthem. No problem with that. It’s got a mellifluous Sufi influence. Has the timbre and tenor needed of a song that waxes eloquent on matters of the heart. But what gets my goat is the way the TV news channels are airing interviews with the cast and crew of Om Shanti Om and Saawariya ad infinitum. I have no issues with promos breaking the news segment for some comic relief, but advertorials disguised as editorials is definitely not on. If the general entertainment channels air similar-sounding reality shows at the same time, I am okay with that. After all, they could do with better viewership ratings (TRPs). But news channels should concentrate only on giving breaking news in the fastest and most accurate manner possible.

The worst happened only last week. While I was surfing the news channels for the latest in breaking news, all I saw was an enthusiastic Shah Rukh Khan talking about his film Om Shanti Om. What’s worse is that every news channel, be it NDTV, Aaj Tak or Times Now had the same SRK clad in the same t-shirt and sitting on the same sofa and talking the same shit. SRK has no issues with this ofcourse. After all, he’s preparing for an all-out fight to the finish with Saawariya. It’s revealing to know that a superstar like him gets the jitters from a big banner film. Shah Rukh Khan is even quoted saying, ‘My movie’s budget is equal to the publicity budget of Saawariya’. Ofcourse, it’s exaggerated but he conveys the competitive streak between the two filmmakers. Competition is fine, so long as it is healthy but what isn’t is the way news channels are giving up their sacrosanct editorial space for what is downright promotional stuff. Have things gone so out of hand that TV channels are airing the interview simultaneously for more TRPs? Is this a new form of overkill? Or is this a novel way to make money by the TV channels even before the film reaches the theatres? Call it what you will, but one thing is clear. The TV channels have just lost their nose for news in pursuit of material happiness. By airing the interview on the same subject with the same person at the same time, they are creating a visual blind spot. When a person views the same thing on every channel when he’s particularly looking for breaking news, he will simply switch off and get on the Internet for the dope.

The statistics point out the rot within. According to an industry survey, Hindi-language soaps and movies corner 40% of all TV ad revenue. No wonder, news channels are morphing into general entertainment channels to sustain themselves. But then, why call themselves a news channel? If this isn’t enough, there’s more bad news. According to reports, the total number of channels on air is set to hit 700 by 2009. This means, broadcasters will be forced to slash advertising rates and spend heavily on improving technology to ensure their channels are carried into homes, or face the prospect of being swallowed up by rivals.

This media trend is only going to worsen in the coming days. The pressure on advertising rates and the load on overburdened analog distribution systems is expected to benefit deep-pocketed broadcasters and edge out smaller and niche broadcasters. The upshot? Hapless viewers like you and me will be witness to many more OSO-like advertorials ad infinitum. But we don’t need to just grin and bear it. There is hope yet. We can always turn off the TV set and log on the Internet instead.

(This piece has appeared in my Media Watch column that runs in Agni every week)