THE DIARY OF Z

Valentine’s is a funny day. People, who are normally sane, staid and composed behave strangely. Grown men are reduced to tears. Mature women become crooning babies. The very mention of a saint called Valentine causes wobbly knees and an expectant sparkle in the eye. If you are the sort who wants to honour the saint anyway, here are a few gifts that could knock the stockings off your Valentine.

•    Gift her a Valentine kit that will make the art of seduction easy. Costing $275 on RedEnvelope.com, it features a Kiki Motif Instrument of Pleasure, an ergonomic, multispeed vibrator adorned with the Kiki motif, handcuff-pattern silk restraints, a massage candle, personal lubricant, Kiki Select Kimono condoms, and before-and-after mints. This gift will set a precedent for fun. It is a gift the two of you can share. It is romantic and adventurous without being scary.

•    If you have money to burn and don’t want to buy islands for her like the other business magnates, buy her a plot on the moon instead. Yes, you can do such a thing in this time of space age technology. Just the way a female fan has been gifting Shah Rukh Khan every year on his birthday.

•    Arrange for a 1-carat solitaire to be delivered to her along with red roses declaring permanent love for her from an admirer. When she gets the little box, the courier boy would declare that the little box comes with a free gift and present a big carton with the label ‘Love Inside’. When she opens it, you’d pop out and plant a kiss on her cheeks she wouldn’t forget.

•    You could get sentimental and walk down memory lane by gifting your love a beautifully decorated frame containing the photo of the place where you proposed to her. Or better still, you could video record your personal thoughts and remembrances about her and play it on V Day by candle light.

•    If you want something small but thoughtful all the way, you could gift her a personalised flower pot with a message that says, “Our love grows”. Or a love letter in a bottle with the message: “Our love is unsinkable”. Or a personalised diamond keepsake that says: “Like a diamond, our love is forever”. Or all of these things to make it a themed gesture.

•    Gift a custom-made book to her, containing all your letters, emails, sms-es until the time you got married. Print them all out and have them bound into a book, with the final page saying that it is NOT the end of your love story, but ONLY the beginning…

•    Go the DIY way. Make a memory box. Glue photos or pictures to the outside of a wooden box. Use Hodge Podge glue to create a sealed glaze over the pictures. Fill the box with tokens and mementos of your time together. Write memories you share on small slips of paper to fill the box. A thoughtful gesture that will last a lifetime.

•    Get a packet of balloons. Fill a few with little things — a cute key chain, a pair of earrings, candies, a little message on paper — anything at all but not too big. Blow up the balloon and write your own personalised romantic message on it and then deflate it and present it to her. She has to blow up the balloon to see what you have written and then pop it to get the stuff inside.

•    How about an aphrodisiac love potion and a Beating Heart Pillow? Yes, UniqueValentineGift.com sells this for $20 and $150 respectively. Organically designed to have the same effect as Spanish Fly, the elixir of love claims to increase the inner sexual conscience of the mind to achieve various sexual advances. Only 20 drops of the love potion in any drink is all that is required. Both males and females can expect increased sexual stimulation, propensity towards sexual activity and improved overall mood. If that doesn’t set her heart racing, there is the Beating Heart Pillow. Hold the heart a moment and you’ll begin to sense your own heartbeat slowly syncing with the pillow’s carefully designed rhythm. It is designed to help you relax, daydream, meditate, and nap. Perfect for Valentine’s.

•    Create your own raffle/coupon book using hand made paper or even coloured drawing sheet paper that has irresistible offers on every leaf of the coupon:
#1. A long lasting kiss with eyes wide open, offer available for 15 mins from receipt of voucher.
#2. Avail a bear hug within 24 hours after Feb 14, 2010.
#3. Luxurious foot massage after 7 days from receipt of voucher.
#4. A sweet honest smile when I am most angry.
#5. Steaming cup of tea within 10 days even when I am dead tired.
#6. A seven-course meal on your birthday with special friends at home.
#7. Looking for car keys (3 times ONLY) even if I am most busy.
#8. Allowing you in the loo even if I woke up first in the morning. Offer valid only for Feb 2010.
#9. Watch Sex & The City (5 times ONLY) when my favourite serial is on; offer valid for the whole of 2010.
#10. Free facial at my home spa after a day out with friends.

This was waiting to happen. With so many consumer review sites crowding the Internet, how do you stand out from the crowd? Offer more money. And that is exactly what this new Silicon Valley startup is offering: $2 for the first 3000 reviews to drive more traffic to their review site.

While it’s still in its beta state with a Google Page Rank of 1/10, if you enroll now, you have an early mover advantage. This is particularly good for those who are already reviewing on other websites to come here and make more money out of it. Right now, sites like Ciao in the UK offer a paltry sum. And again, this is determined by the number of people who read and comment on your post.

But over here, you are getting a fixed sum for just posting your review. Ofcourse, once this site becomes popular, the rules of the game might change and either become like Ciao, or even Moutshut that offers nothing but virtual gifts. While I like the monetising idea, I am not sure if I would derive much benefit from it right now. With most reviews not getting rated by fellow reviewers (because it’s still new to the game), one might not get immediate satisfaction of having posted a good review. After all, the greatest incentive to a reviewer is the feeling that he is being read and is playing a big part in influencing someone’s purchasing decisions. That is yet to happen on this site.
As they say, there are two sides to everything. If you are in it only for the money, go for it. If you want to be in it for greater readership, wait.

If you are a die-hard Apple fan, I would be too happy to piss on your parade. No, not because I envy you, but because I have reasons other than merely emotional. I have five hard reasons why PCs stand up to iMacs.

But first off: I’m no Mac user. Or an iPod or iPhone owner. But I love them. Yes, I love Apple. Because they don’t have a single bug unlike the Microsofts of the world who have monopolised our computing systems. It’s just that I can’t afford a Mac. Not yet atleast. However, that’s not to say Apple is good all the way. Here are a few reasons why Macs still suck.
1. PCs Are Better For Games.
2. PCs Are Better Media Machines.
3. PCs Are More Cost-Effective.
4. Apple Is Fascist.
5. It’s Still a PC World Out There.

Don’t believe any of this, then maybe you should read FIVE REASONS WHY PCs ARE BETTER THAN MACs.

BenQ Portable CP220C DLP Projector

Rs 58,990

It’s new. It’s light-weight. And it’s quick and cool, function-wise. Making it a perfect accessory for professionals on the move. Coming from the World’s No 1 DLP projector brand, this got to be real good. Designed for portability, the new projector easily fits into a briefcase, making it a handy and suitable presentation tool. Further, its off-and-go function enables the projector to cool off quickly, saving you precious time when you are carrying it from one place to another. The additional features set it apart: the world-class Carl Zeiss lens, XGA (1024 X 768) resolution, brightness of 2000 ANSI lumens, contrast ratio of 700:1 and the colour matching technology that competes with the colour quality displayed on the notebook’s screen.

Pinnacle Video Transfer

Rs 7500

A gizmo geek’s wet dream, it’s an innovative device that records analog video from a TV, VCD/DVD player, VHS player, camcorder or set-top box and transfers it directly onto an iPod Video, iPod Touch, iPod Nano, PSP, USB flash drive, USB hard drive or any other portable video player without using a PC. Whew! Before we forget, it’s ideal for people who want to enjoy TV shows and personal videos on their iPod Video, PSP or just want to store them on a USB drive to archive or watch later. If you want to offload footage from your camera to a portable USB device when you are away from home and don’t have a PC, this will do it for you without a sweat.

Anti-Sleep Alert

Rs 125

If you are looking for a device that will keep you from sleeping, try out Zicom’s new light weight, compact device. Placed behind the ear, it emits a loud alarm signal when the driver’s head droops down a certain angle. This could be a great tool for overnight journeys when drivers tend to drift into the land of nod all too easily. Safe, easy-to-use and comfortable even with spectacles, it comes cheap, but is invaluable.

Anti – Loss Alarm

Rs 695

It’s perfect for parents taking care of kids. This device from Zicom alerts the parent when the child moves away from their orbit. It consists of a transmitter and a receiver designed like a key chain. The transmitter is attached to the child and the receiver is kept with the parent. A safe distance is set through the receiver (up to a max of 25 metres). If the distance between the transmitter and the receiver exceeds the pre-set limit, it will beep thrice to alert the parents that their child is no longer within the acceptable range. But if the child comes back into their safe orbit, the device stops beeping.

Security Alarm

Rs 545

It’s a portable security device from Zicom that greatly enhances the security of your purses, handbags and briefcases. This comes in handy particularly during walking, jogging or on an outing. To set it, just attach the ring clip to your bag and the snap clip to your wrist or belt loop. If someone tries to steal it, the alarm gets activated even as it stays attached to the stolen item and calls attention to the thief. If you are staying in a hotel, you can simply string the alarm cord across the door of the hotel room. If the door is opened, the pin gets detached and a piercing alarm sound ensues that could potentially scare off the intruder.

Longines watches

Rs 28500-1 lakh+

If style and sport is you, then this collected by the Swiss watchmaker could do the trick for you. The range is Faster (inspired by the world of automobiles and motor-sports), Further (for elegance of performance on treks) and Higher (influenced by aviation and Deeper—unveiling the ocean’s secrets). Sporting fluid lines, aerodynamic curves, energy-filled typography and tachymeter, it boasts of an automatic self winding mechanical movement and offering a power reserve of 46 hours. The watches are equipped with triple security deployment buckles that are water- resistant up to 300 metres. Lateral protection for the crown and double security folding clasp with integrated diving extension-piece.

CD/DVD Repair Kit

Rs 1600

It looks like a stylish portable CD player that will fit neatly on any desk or shelf. But what it does is take the hassle out of cleaning your discs as you simply pop the offending disc into the machine and leave it to work its magic. Cleans and repairs all your CDs, DVDs, CD-RWs, CD ROMs, XBox, Playstation, Nintendo Wii, Sega Dreamcast and GameCube game discs. So the next time, you are cleaning your important discs, be careful. You could actually be causing more damage if you’re wiping them with material that is even slightly abrasive. Just employ this all-purpose disc repairer. Retails on www.gizoo.co.uk.

Laser scissors

Rs 1000

With robust, stainless steel blades and a laser guide for absolute accuracy, you don’t have to look any further. The easy grip handle make them a breeze to use. With this handy tool, you will always cut straight lines every time. Sorry, if you thought this was some futuristic phaser that zaps aliens into obliteration. But if you are elbow deep in a DIY project where precision and accuracy are crucial, then there is nothing better than this tool. Retails on www.gizoo.co.uk.

Asus M530w

Rs 20,900

Want to stay connected even while abroad? Go for this Bluetooth-enabled 3G smart phone. It has a QWERTY keypad that can simultaneously receive mails from the office Outlook mail server and supports POP3, IMAP4, Microsoft Exchange and BlackBerry4.0. The ClearVue document viewer allows you to read Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and PDF documents. Adding to the ammunition is a 2.0 mega pixels auto-macro camera and a built-in business card recognition software. And it can easily transfer data from the phone to a server, so if it is lost or stolen, you can retain the account number, and transfer the stored data onto another phone.

Spy Robot

Rs 16000

This remarkable robot becomes your walking, talking spy and doubles as a wireless VOIP phone, a webcam, a digital music player for your MP3s, and personal video surveillance. Boasting a motion detector, video camera, microphone and loudspeaker, Spyke is the ultimate Wi-Fi-enabled robot standing 1 foot tall. Run the comprehensive software and you have a Wi-Fi-enabled robot that can be controlled on a local connection or remotely from the Internet on a well-crafted and easy-to-navigate MMI or Machine Man Interface. Retails on www.gizoo.co.uk.

(This piece appeared in Windows & Aisles, the inflight magazine of Paramount Airways, South India’s business airline)

Great news for gaming buffs! The supremely fantabulous XBox360 gaming console is cheaper by $50. It’s down from nearly Rs 7000 ($180) to Rs 5000 ($130). If you want to make it your own lightning quick, just visit HERE.

Happy gaming! Just don’t become an addict! And in case you do, make sure you start a Gamers Anonymous!