THE DIARY OF Z

Here is a cool forward making the rounds on the Internet… I am never really a fan of jokes forwarded to me, but this one is cerebral and truly a reflection of our times… They will make you laugh and think at the same time.

Happy reading and assimilating!

PART 1

1.    Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and the thirty thieves.

Ten were laid off

2. Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate

3. Iron man now “air-pooling” with Superman to save fuel costs.

4. Women finally marrying for love, and not money

5. Q: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a small fortune?

A: Start off with a large one.

6. The credit crunch is getting bad isn’t it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I’m now America ’s third biggest lender.

7. Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?

A: Because otherwise they’d have nothing to do in the afternoon.

8. Q: What’s the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?

A: In a few weeks, nothing.

9. Dow Jones is re-branded as “Down Jones”.

10. Quote from a wall street banker: This is worse than divorce. Ive lost half of my assets and I still have my wife?..

PART II

The only “deposits” being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

Q: What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? 

A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Q What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?

A. A bond matures.

Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?

A. It’s called the Warren buffet.

Q: What’s the Capital of Iceland ?

A: About 70 cents.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline and volatility worried him.

The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.

“Really?!?” replied the customer.

“Absolutely, ” said the broker,

“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour.”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

The Difference between Communism & Capitalism

In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the bank to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -

A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a

shipwreck.

Sharks were soon circling around.

The sharks eat the priest.

The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well.

The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him. But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off.

The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”

And the shark replied,”Professional Courtesy!”

Everything you wanted to know about Voter Registration, but didn’t know whom to ask…

This piece talks about our inability to voice concerns, campaign for what is right and ensure healthy governance through the power to vote. I won’t dwell too much about why your vote is important. Instead, I will try and answer the most frequently asked questions by election pessimists…

Politics is the last resort of scoundrels. So why should I vote and encourage such a breed?
That’s just a quotable quote that people love to use. However, if you need to make changes at the grassroot level and make an impact on the policies of the government and steer it in the right direction, it’s important to be part of it by voting out the rogues and bringing in the cultured.

But, everyone is bad. So who do I vote? Best of the worse?
Yes, you should. The more you feel responsible, the more you will think before voting. And if this feeling gets to you (that everyone is bad), you will raise a voice against it and maybe sponsor good people to get elected or even contest yourself. Wouldn’t this better the scenario?

At the core, every party is communal. So how do I pick and choose?
Go by your priorities. Do you want to vote a good candidate irrespective of the party he belongs to or do you want to vote for a party that promises stability for one and all. Just like you go all out to find out the background of every stock and share before investing in it, do the same with each of the parties and candidates. This investment in time will help you reap rich dividends later with good governance. Because a better regime means a more efficient infrastructure, less of bureaucratic red tape, a healthier economy and a better standard of living.

Please give me details of my polling station and assembly constituency. Who do I contact for these details?
This would be possible only when you give your complete address at the reception or enquiry of the electoral registration office. If you want the address and telephone numbers of Electoral Registration Officers and Assistant Electoral Registration Officers, you could get it here: http://stg1.kar.nic.in/searchfinalroll_2009.

But I don’t know if my name is on the voter’s list?
Find out. Just log on to http://stg1.kar.nic.in/searchfinalroll_2009 and search by Assembly constituency. I would not advise you to search by Voter ID Card number or by your name because it might not work. If you want more information on a range of other things related to elections and Voter ID cards, you could visit http://www.ceokarnataka.kar.nic.in.

Is there any electoral ombudsman who can make things easier for me?
Yes, you could register on Jaagore.Com. Once you do, you will be updated on your voter registration status, election related news of your city and reminders on Election Day with your polling booth details. That aside, you also get an opportunity to be a volunteer to spread the word. You can run a community registration drive, campus drive or even an office registration drive through this non-profit, non-partisan campaign that does not support any political party or candidate. The only idea is to get as many people motivated to register and vote. If not this time, then next.

I have lost my old I Card. How can I get a new one?
You can deposit a copy of your FIR lodged at your neighbourhood police station. You will get a new I Card after you deposit Rs 25. The dates for issuing I Cards are published in leading newspapers and at offices of the Joint Chief Election Commissioner and District Commissioner. Cards are issued through the year.

Why vote?
Well, how else will you make your voice heard? We all have ISSUES with the way things function. Let’s do something about it!

The author of this blog post runs Write Wing Publishers Private Limited that syndicates content for publications in India, Singapore and the US. He was earlier the City Editor of MiD DAY, the daily tabloid in Bangalore and before that, The Chief of Bureau of Explocity.Com that is powered by Rupert Murdoch’s Star Network.

Pls see how you can help this needy lady suffering from a heart disease. She happens to be the sister of a priest who I know for the last many years. This is her request letter below. If you could help in any way (monetary or treatment-wise), including forwarding this blog post to as many people possible asap, I would be ever grateful. 

Thanks in advance!

HEART PATIENT SPEAKS OUT…

Umme Salma (31)

#105/1 2nd main 

4th cross ISLAMPUR

HAL BANGALORE-17.

MY STORY

My name is Umme Salma. Because of a heart problem, I got two artificial heart valves planted into me some 15 years ago after Deccan Herald highlighted my plight in their paper. That operation cost me around Rs 4.5 lakh. 

Now that I have grown up, the muscle mass has grown over these artificial valves that need replacement with a better, bigger valve. Now the Wockhardt doctor (this hospital treated me earlier) has recommended an OPEN HEART SURGERY FOR VALVE REPLACEMENT. However, the operation is costing me over Rs 3 lakh (as the attachment to this blogpost testifies). Not to mention, the daily medicines I will have to take for the rest of my life costing around Rs 2,000 every month.

I tried to get it treated for free at the Satya Sai Hospital in Bengaluru and Puttaparthi. But they refused to do so, saying I have to go back to the same hospital that originally fitted the valve, which happens to be Wockhardt. They fear for my life and don’t want to be party to it. 

I have two children (girls) and my husband is a car driver earning measly income. I kindly request you to help me soon as the doctor has asked me to gather the monies asap, because the sooner the operation the better it will be for me. 

BANK ACCOUNT NAME: UMA SALMA

BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER: 04112010029855, Syndicate Bank, Vimanapura, Bangalore - 560 017.

Contact person - Khizar, her brother: 098806-77971, 099729-39845. (Please do mention that Zahid referred you to him, so he knows the source)

(This is a genuine case for help, so please don’t have any misgivings whatsoever and help this lady in every

way possible).

To celebrate the 2nd anniversary of my blog, I am giving away cash prizes for all those who will sign up for news on my blog. What’s more, some of you could even walk away with the grand cash prize of $10000.

Right off the bat, anyone who subscribes to my blog (see extreme right hand column), will be given away $100. No questions asked.

Among the many of you who sign up, there will be a draw held and the lucky winner will walk away with $10000! The procedure is simple! However, please note that payment will be made through Paypal only. So if you don’t have one, please get a Paypal ID and subscribe.

Happy winning!

P.S: Only the first 900 people to sign up will be awarded $100. So do it NOW!!!