THE DIARY OF Z

If you are a die-hard Apple fan, I would be too happy to piss on your parade. No, not because I envy you, but because I have reasons other than merely emotional. I have five hard reasons why PCs stand up to iMacs.

But first off: I’m no Mac user. Or an iPod or iPhone owner. But I love them. Yes, I love Apple. Because they don’t have a single bug unlike the Microsofts of the world who have monopolised our computing systems. It’s just that I can’t afford a Mac. Not yet atleast. However, that’s not to say Apple is good all the way. Here are a few reasons why Macs still suck.
1. PCs Are Better For Games.
2. PCs Are Better Media Machines.
3. PCs Are More Cost-Effective.
4. Apple Is Fascist.
5. It’s Still a PC World Out There.

Don’t believe any of this, then maybe you should read FIVE REASONS WHY PCs ARE BETTER THAN MACs.

Esquire has always been my favourite read for over a decade now. I had only one grouse. It was always so expensive that I had to beg and borrow at the only library in the city that stocked the magazine down the years. What made my worrylines even more prominent was that I would always end up with some old issue because the latest would almost always be borrowed by someone else.

The online version didn’t help me there either. In fact, it was no ‘version’. It was merely reproducing the cover page and contents page online, so people would get curious enough to buy the mag off the stands. For years, this story repeated itself. I would go online, but never get to read any story. Only the headline and the sub head. Therefore, I was left with no option but to knock on the doors of my library time and again.

But not anymore.

The Esquire guys have listened and I don’t have to take the long road. All I need is to log online and read all of my favourite magazine. What I find most enjoyable is the chance to re-read all the wonderful stories I enjoyed reading.

Like Tom Junod’s THE FALLING MAN, about the man in a newspaper picture throwing himself down the window of The World Trade Centre when Bin Laden decided to punish America. Or his January 2008 profile, HILLARY CLINTON HAS A SEXY MOUTH.

There is a certain gravitas Esquire writers like Junod bring to the story all too consistently and tirelessly that distill journalistic wisdom collected over the years. But what is even more evident is the way they approach celebrities. They rubbish them and eulogise them in the same breath. And yet, you come away feeling like you’ve gained some earth-shattering wisdom yourself.

All balls.

What the magazine actually does is make you feel good about yourself and the world around you. The writers expose the movers and shakers with an eye towards making you feel that life is not really greener on the other side. And if it is, there are too many obstacles that a mere mortal like you and I can never overcome. If the writers elevate the glitterati and thinkerati to the heavens, they also bring them down with a thud that could imbalance your ear bone. In the end, you are happy. For having survived the read. An enjoyable one at that. That’s Esquire. Profiling ‘man at his best’.

And so it was when I wandered around in cyberspace and found myself on the front end of Esquire’s online edition. Was I surprised? Like an elephant in heat, I pillaged forth and soaked it all in one breath. During the three-hour reading session, one story smacked me in the face with its intellectual sweep. It was a compilation of the best 70 sentences ever published in Esquire’s 70-year history that “sparkle, invoke, provoke, or are just damn enjoyable to read”. Want to know my favourite lines among them? Here they are…

* He is lousy at alone. –Bill Zehme, “The Man Who Loved Women,” 1998

* Now he would never write the things that he had saved to write until he knew enough to write them well. - Ernest Hemingway, “The Snows of Kilimanjaro,” 1936

* So deeply imbedded was she in my consciousness that for the first few years of school I believed that each of my teachers was actually my mother in disguise. –Philip Roth, “A Jewish Patient Begins His Analysis,” 1967

* They are a curious mixture of Spanish tradition, American imitation and insular limitation. –Helen Lawrenson, “Latins Are Lousy Lovers,” 1936

* Bust, bosom, boobs, babaloos, beanbags, buds, bulbs, balcony, balloons, bangers, bazongas, bazooms, baseballs, beach balls, berthas, bettys, beausom, beauts, begonias, big brown eyes, bits, blubbers, bobbers, BB’s, bonbons, boom-booms, bongos, bings, bounty, the Bobsy twins, bottles, boulders, bikini filler, brassiere food, breastices, bosiasm, bubbles, bubbies, buddies, bozos, bee stings, bullets, bumps, buffers, bumpers, busters, best friends, bug bites, butter-bags, the baby bar–that’s fifty just in the b’s, and we probably missed one or two. –Larry Doyle, Esky, 1999

* Negroes want to be treated like men: a perfectly straightforward statement, containing only seven words. –James Baldwin, “Fifth Avenue, Uptown,” 1960

* When a writer does well, the rest of the country is doing fine. –John Steinbeck, “A Primer on the 30’s,” 1960

* A child is a territory, a landscape, a region, an outpost, a republic and island of worry. –Alec Wilkinson, “Sam and Other Reflections on Being a Father,” 2000

* We decided to spend a few minutes analyzing our motives–something we often do when there’s nothing good on television. –Calvin Trillin, “A Day at the Spaces,” 1977

* She is cute as a button, pretty as a picture, eminently fuckable, totally unavailable. –Mike Sager, “Beautiful,” 1999

Want to pick your own favourites and go through the entire piece in Esquire, then you can go here… ESQUIRE’S 70 GREATEST SENTENCES

Okay, first things first. If you have an e-mail account, then you must be familiar with emails like Bill Gates sharing his fortune, Microsoft’s lottery promotion, someone in Nigeria requesting you to be a partner to transfer massive amount of money to his account and many more. How many of you have ever believed these e-mails to be true and took further initiatives like providing required details in the e-mails (in case of Microsoft lottery) or forwarding the mails to your friends (in case of Bill Gates fortune) as said in them. Many people have fallen prey to these false e-mails otherwise known as Hoax e-mails. A hoax e-mails is something that is not true but create an impression that it is real. Here are a few of them.

1. Olympic Torch: This e-mail warns you about a virus which opens an Olympic torch on your computer and consequently burns the C drive on your hard disk. Watch out. Yours may be burnt too!

2. Hotmail hoax: This e-mail tells that due to large number of sign-ups for hotmail, it is running out of resources so if someone does not receive this e-mail in his inbox within a month’s time, his account will be deleted. This is to find out which users are using their hotmail account. Alas I am still able to access my hotmail!!!

3. Nokia Is Giving Away Phones For free:  This e-mail claims that Nokia is doing a word of mouth promotion for its product and if you send this mail to X number of people and also a copy to a nokia e-mail ID then you will be able to receive a phone.

4. Missing child: There are several of this kind. These e-mails usually contains a picture of a girl or a guy and claim that they are missing. Passing the e-mails may eventually be read by someone who can then find the girl.

5. E-mail lottery: One of the rapidly circulating lottery e-mail is Microsoft award promotion lottery by Microsoft UK. And this e-mail has fooled many people to believe that they have indeed won a lottery and they send the required details as requested by mail.

6. Bill Gates fortune: This tells that Microsoft and AOL is jointly running a beta test where Microsoft is going to give away $245 for each copy of e-mail sent from your account. Bill Gates is obviously not so rich to waste his money like this.

7. Orkut is closing: A lady called Dianna addresses this e-mail to Orkut users that Orkut is no longer having any name space so they are going to terminate the account of inactive users. Afterwards Orkut will be a paid service. Nothing has happened to anyone who didn’t follow the advice given in the email.

8. Huge amount of money in foreign account: This kind of e-mail has many variations. Usually a manager of any bank will be telling that he discovered an abandoned account with a huge sum of money and he needs a foreign partner to transfer this money. I receive atleast 4-5 of this kind daily. Weird!!weird!!weird!!

9. Beautiful mummy: This can be classified as a chain letter rather than a hoax e-mail. it has a picture of a girl which the e-mail claims to be a dead baby which is 80 year old now and still looks alive. This e-mail tells to forward it to X number of people to bring good luck failing which it will bring bad luck and it also gives some example on how people got benefitted by forwarding it.

10. Enter reverse ATM PIN to dial the police: This is the most absurd and funny hoax of all. The e-mail tells you that if you are ever forced to withdraw money from ATM, then you can enter the PIN in the reverse. This would dial a nearby police station and the police will come to your rescue.

The city lends a helping hand when you need it most. And this stretches to just about every entity in the city. There are counselling centres for alcohol and drug addicts, helplines for runaway children, battered women and even harassed husbands. They lend a patient ear to every socio-economic group and offer solutions to all the problems needling you. These could range from career counselling, unhappy relationships, substance abuse, corruption, unresponsive administration and so on. Some helplines like Sahai are exemplary in their service towards people with suicidal tendencies. Infosys Foundation and the Azim Premji Foundation are doing their bit to help out too. As part of their Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), several companies regularly conduct programmes of social relevance and give back to society in their own way. Several foreign universities like Cornell, St Louis, Princeton, Berkeley, Bill Gates Foundation and Ford Foundation are supporting several NGOs in the city. For Ashraya, a residential school for children of migrant labourers, funding come from Cornell University whereas Concern for Working Children which works to eradicate child labour is supported by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
The variety
Bengaluru has a whole spectrum of voluntary groups funded by philanthropic individuals and corporate for social upliftment. The areas of work are as vast as life itself and range from environment, women, children, senior citizens, civic upkeep, animal welfare, HIV/Aids, cancer, consumer rights, arts & crafts, street children, human rights, substance and alcohol abuse among others. It is estimated that the city has more than 700 slums and squatter settlements, containing over one million people, all characterised by poor housing, over crowding and a lack of basic services. Many voluntary groups are trying the disadvantaged through a range of services. Some NGOs have self-help groups that act as a platform for discussion, taking initiatives and participating in community development. Take for example the Karnataka Rajya Vijnana Parishat. This government-sponsored NGO promotes and inculcates scientific temper among children and the youth through exhibitions, seminars and workshops. Another NGO Mythri not only trains young people and women but also provides opportunities to obtain loans for setting up their own businesses.
Mythri trains young people and women in baking, laundry, housekeeping, customer relations, communication or home nursing and also assists them in finding jobs.
Prof NS Ramaswamy, founder director of IIMB and head of Cartman, an NGO, runs a vet clinic that renders free service to stray animals, organises demos on solar devices and rainwater harvesting and brings out newsletters and journals on a host of social and environment issues. He also conducts HRD programmes for civic utility services like Bescom, BBMP and BMTC so they are courteous and responsive at work. The Indian Heritage Academy celebrates life itself by conducting various programmes on music, dance, yoga, meditation, painting, senior citizens, religion, social festival, lectures on public affairs and philosophy.
Bosco has contact points wherever street youth are found in large numbers - bus stands, markets, railway stations, parking lots, small hotels and slums. The idea is to reach out to street and working children and integrate them into society’s mainstream.
You can help too
Most voluntary groups are always in need of donations and volunteers. Some have specific requirements like food, clothing, shelter and so on. It’s best to enquire with the groups and see where you can do your bit. Take Sampark for example. They are seeking highly independent and self-motivated individuals to research subjects like livelihoods analysis, gender and development, environment, micro-credit, and contribute to the organisation’s requirements like fundraising and publicity. NGOs will tell you that the work is often difficult, sometimes even frustrating, but ultimately rewarding. Everybody contributes, and everybody grows. This just about sums up the experience in any city NGO. You only need to have the money, time or passion to accomplish this.
Reigning in NGOs
Karnataka has finally decided to throw a lasso at non-governmental organisations and other voluntary groups which receive funds from government and external agencies. As majority of these NGOs and trusts are not accountable for the funds they receive and use, the government has decided that it is high time a regulatory mechanism is put in place. The government will soon bring out a legislation to control the NGOs. What is more alarming is that bureaucrats (both serving and retired) are associating themselves with NGOs. Government sources contend that these bureaucrats, who are adept in the art of sourcing funds, use the NGO tag to hide their personal financial details. A majority of the bureaucrats or their family members are directors or members of some NGO or the other, according to government sources. Even politicians are either starting voluntary organisations or becoming members. In Bangalore urban district alone, there are about 50,000 voluntary organisations which receive crores of rupees every year. The sectors in which NGOs show great interest are education, rural development, social justice, forest and environment, health care and labour.
SOME HELPLINES
* Bosco’s Internet-based database allows families to register details of their missing child on the following sites: http://www.missingchildsearch.net, http://www.homelink.in.

* Women and children can take the help of the women’s helpline (Vanita Sahaya Vani – 1091, 2294 3225) or children’s helpline (Makkala Sahaya Vani – 1098) houses in the compound of the police commissioner’s office on Infantry Road

* The Elders Helpline (1090) is done in partnership with police officials, legal and security experts, volunteers and members of Nightingales Elders Enrichment Centre and other NGOs.

PS: You can only dial the toll-free helplines from a landline number, not a cellphone. Which is a pity.

After the recent incident of a Bangalore techie killing himself and his wife over perceived infidelity, and his perceived threat of being harassed by his wife, there are scores of people asking me if there is a way to avoid this. Well, there is such a thing in Bangalore like the Harassed Husbands Association. In fact, there are two such associations that offer help to harassed husbands under the banner of Save Indian Family and Asha Kiran. These forums are for members to fight dowry harassment cases hoisted by their wives both abroad and in India. Most members happen to be software engineers who allege that their wives harass them for money and falsely implicate them in dowry harassment cases.

Just one statutory warning: Just because, there is an association for you doesn’t mean that you now have a way to hoist false cases against women. Use this power responsibly. What goes around comes around!

ASHA KIRAN
252/6, P.M. Lakshmia Layout,
Magadi Cord Road Layout
1 st Main, Vijay Nagar
Helpline: 5533 4135
Mobile: 98459 86250
Email : help@asha-kiran.com
Website: asha-kiran.org

SAVE INDIAN FAMILY FOUNDATION
Helpline: 92434 73794, 5533 4135
Website: saveindianfamily.org

If you are what you eat, then shouldn’t you be gobbling something fierce? Like a scorpion, crocodile, or reindeer? Thanks to Edible, you can. The UK-based specialty store is stocked with obscure delicacies from all over the world.
Read more at DAILY CANDY.

Here are a few cool websites that I came across just this morning. There were many, but these won my heart more than the others. They are utilitarian. And that’s what is cool about them.

Happy surfing!

COUCH POTATOES

Are you a TV enthusiast? Watching TV online has become very tangible these days yet searching for the TV show of your choice is usually still a requirement. No worries, SURF THE CHANNEL has done the work for you. They have searched the internet and made available a commendable repertoire of shows which are played online using Divx. And yes, they also have movies, cartoons, music, documentaries, sports and much more… Worth a visit!
The only spoiler could be your low-speed internet connection.

MUSIC CALLING

You so happen to hear a song on the radio that conquers your soul and you hum it to yourself all day. However, you have no idea who is the performer, nor do you remember the lyrics. So you hum it to your friends in the hopes of salvation but no one gets you. Does this frustrating feeling seem familiar? Well no more heartaches. MIDOMI offers the ultimate solution: hum into your microphone and Midomi will search and hopefully locate your groovy track. The database is quite impressive. Try and see if it works for you. It did, to me.

PUBLISHING ONLINE

If you are looking at converting your PDF files into interactive online publications, ISSUU could just be the free application on the Net that you are looking for. And the best part of it is that it only takes a minute to do so. After this you can view your document in a neat magazine-style viewer, that other people can bookmark, share and comment on. Finally, you can also post (embed) your Issuu documents on any external site, profile or blog.
It’s kinda like flickr for magazines where you could upload magazines, catalogs, documents, and stuff you’d normally find on print. It’s the place where you become the publisher. What’s more, you can find and comment on thousands of great publications. Join a living library, where anyone finds publications about anything and share them with friends.

RECIPES, ANYONE ?

Internet. Internet. Internet. If you have a question and don’t know whom to ask. Just Google. One such cool website is SUPERCOOK. It is a new recipe search engine that finds recipes you can make with the ingredients you have at home. To begin, simply start adding ingredients you have. The more ingredients you add, the better the results will be. I am hungry, therefore I decided to test the site and entered the stuff I have - chicken breast, mushrooms and white wine. The result - Chicken with Mushroom Gravy. I didn’t prepare it yet but it seems that the preparation is simple and the outcome would be tasty. This site is perfect for uncreative food cookers, asking themselves what can we cook from basic ingredients. Enjoy the unexpected dish!
I typed the following ingredients into the search engine: “mashed potatoes, cucumber, tomato, onion, green chillies, water, salt.” I got 2000 results, one of which said that if I had lemon, I could make a refreshing cucumber lemonade and if I had grape, I could make a mock grape, and so on…
Check it out. If nothing else, it’s good fun, and could give you newer ideas of how to tweak your recipes and have a good time with the available ingredients.

CHECK YOUR TYPING SPEED

The Internet is the biggest boon anyone could ever have… ofcourse there are those who are quite oblivious to its many charms. One such charming website that I have come across is THIS. Not only does it give you more than just a second chance. The increasing competition you have against yourself, be it in speed or accuracy, eventually makes you a typing expert. I tried it out myself. I top scored at 92 words per minute. Now my target is to reach 100 words per minute with cent percent accuracy. With practice, I can get there!
Why don’t you try it!

It’s amazing! In just three days, my new technology and digital photography blog Tech 5.0 is going great guns. Though the number of visitors aren’t much, what excites me is the amount of time spent by each visitor. It’s averaging at 30 minutes per person. Which is 30 times better than this blog which scores high on the number of visitors, but has an average visitor time of 1.15 mins only.

So do take a look. It’s not meant for the techies. It’s meant for you and me, the layman. Once you get to grips with technology, life becomes so much more easier. And my blog entries are a testimony to that. Read it (Tech 5.0) to believe it.

Happy reading!

PS: I have also got the same blog on the Word Press platform for a larger readership. You can check that out here - Tech 100

Here is a forward from the South Asian Journalists Association. One publishing house is seeking travel writers in India. Here are their specifics. Make the most of it if you fit the bill. Good luck!

THE ANNOUNCEMENT

Avalon Travel Publishing is seeking two professional writers to author the Moon Delhi, Agra, & Rajasthan guidebook and the Moon Mumbai & Goa guidebook. THESE ARE CONTRACT POSITIONS, NOT FULL-TIME OFFICE JOBS.
The writer should live in either Delhi, Agra, or Rajasthan, or Mumbai & Goa, or must have very close ties to the areas and visit often. The writer must be very knowledgeable about the destinations’ attractions, should be able to provide strategic planning advice for travelers, and should have previous experience writing about either Delhi, Agra, & Rajasthan or Mumbai & Goa.
ATP writers are compensated with an advance and royalty. These guidebooks will be in the Moon Handbooks format, and the writers selected to be the guidebook authors will be responsible for updating the book every two to three years.
Interested applicants should send a resume, a cover letter, up to five relevant clips to avalon.acquisitions@perseusbooks.com as attachments. In the cover letter, explain why you are the best person to write either Moon Delhi, Agra, & Rajasthan or Moon Mumbai
& Goa. Please include “Moon Delhi, Agra, & Rajasthan” or “Moon Mumbai & Goa” in the subject line of your message.
Visit HERE for more information about their expectations and the work involved.
No phone calls, please. Qualified applicants will be contacted and invited to submit a proposal for further consideration. (Note: There is no need to submit a full proposal at this point.) They may not be able to respond personally to each applicant.

Here are some more luminaries who stood out during the course of my journalistic career spanning a little more than 12 years.

Karan Johar, filmmaker: This was at the launch of his film, Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. I asked him when he cried for the very first time in a cinema hall. “When Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn part ways in the film Roman Holiday,” said the 29-year-old filmmaker. “Now of course, I first think a lot, then cry and then laugh.”

Suneet Varma, designer: He exploded on to the Delhi fashion scene more than a decade ago with his show-stopping Greek collection that showcased, among other things, a brass nipple bustier. Several years later when he came to Bangalore, his eyes were at it again. But he clarified to me that he hasn’t trained his eyes on areas below the waist this time. Instead, he has decided to move his operations from the polluted capital (Delhi) to the salubrious Bangalore. Don’t know if he said it so he could be quoted, because he still hasn’t.

Madhuri Dixit, film actress: For answering all my questions with a deadpan expression; from whether she is planning to open a dotcom (that time every Bollywood type was hopping on to the cyber-wagon) to how much she charged for a live performance. Dixit showed no inflection, no nervous ticks, no display of emotion and no thousand-watt smile. Was it peeved professionalism at work? I would never know.

Celina Jaitley, model/film actress: When asked, what’s weird about fashion shows, she said, “In India, nobody comes to watch the clothes; everybody comes to see the models.” But what beat me was the following tete-a-tete:

Do you believe in spirits?

“Yes.”

Have you met one?

“Yes, when I was living in a haunted house in Ranikhet. It was a 300-year-old British bungalow.”

How did the spirit look like?

“It was a misty human form.”

Was it a person who was long dead?

“I don’t know. Never spoke to it.”

Rahul Dravid, cricketer: For shyly asking me not to give his phone number to anyone other than myself.

Ken Ghosh, filmmaker: For saying, “I am sure the casting couch exists, but I haven’t tried it.” After a pause, he continued: “It exists wherever a woman needs a job and money. It all boils down to the woman. Men like to hit on every woman but it’s really the way a woman responds to the man’s overtures. Eighty per cent of the time, it’s because of the way the woman responds to men. The remaining 20 per cent is rape.”

PC Sorcar Jr., magician: For saying, he will make the Vidhana Soudha disappear for a few minutes if he was given Rs 50 lakh.